Bound (Bound Duet Book 1) Read online

  “I love you too, baby, but that wasn’t what I was asking.”

  Just like that, both of us had said those three little words. They hadn’t hurt, my heart didn’t break, and I wasn’t aching inside. I felt good…warm, sated.

  “I know what you were asking, and if I didn’t love you before that experience, I do now.” I winked at him before tenderly kissing his mouth. He was beautiful, and he was mine. “Hey, Gray?”

  “Yeah, babe?” He adjusted on the bed to better see my face.

  “Why do you call me Bird Dog?”

  A deep, throaty laughed rumbled from his chest, and his eyes sparkled and wrinkled at the sides. “Because you’re always hunting for my bird.”

  “Your bird? What’s that?”

  He grabbed himself between his legs and reiterated, “My bird. That’s what bird dogs do. It’s hunting lingo.”

  I was mortified to think he’d used this term in front of other people. The embarrassment quickly faded knowing how much he loved that I wanted him as much as he did me. This was a term of endearment from him, and I wanted to appreciate it.

  “I don’t think that’s a great analogy. Flighty little singsong animals come to mind when I think of birds. Your…” I hesitated, not comfortable speaking the word out loud. “…penis is by no means a little bird.”

  He smirked at my use of the word penis. “I’m glad you don’t think of my dick like a little bird, but you’re still my bird dog.”

  “Isn’t that a tad bit derogatory?”

  “Baby, this is the South. A man’s hunting dog is his greatest companion in the woods. So no, it’s a compliment. You’re my bird dog.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at him. His face was adorable, and in his mind, this was all entirely logical. “Since when do you hunt?”

  “I don’t anymore, but when I was younger, I went a lot with my grandpa before he died. He tried hard to be active in my life since my dad wasn’t around. He was the only man who ever took an interest in my life. Do you really hate the nickname?”

  “Nah. Actually, I love it. But, could we not tell anyone else what it means?”

  He roared with laughter again and kissed my nose. “Absolutely, our secret.”

  Chapter Five

  “Gray! Have you seen my tennis shoes? I’ll be late for my first class. Gray! Please help me find them.” I flung stuff out of the closet like my life depended on it when an arm snaked around my waist and hauled me back, lifting my feet off the ground. Gray’s outstretched hand held the missing shoes for me, and then his lips were on my neck.

  “Calm down, sweetheart. You have plenty of time to get to class.”

  I loved the sound of his deep baritone voice. It was smooth and rich, comforting, and warmed me to the core. He gave me a little squeeze before I threw on my shoes. I grabbed my book bag and gave him a chaste kiss before running to class.

  My first week was always a struggle after being off for any length of time whether it was the summer or winter break. The six weeks I’d just had off between fall and the start of the spring semester was enough for me to relax before the grind of spring classes returned today. I had several proposals I was putting out to potential clients, and they were all big prospects, making this week more challenging than normal. Between classes, homework, and my job, I was averaging a few hours of sleep a night, and it seemed I hadn’t seen Gray since classes started Monday morning. He was always asleep by the time I finished my homework each night. I didn’t have the heart to wake him, so I burrowed into his side. He never woke or even stirred, but instinctively, he swaddled me tightly to his chest and wove a leg through mine. If I was in bed with him, some part of his body always touched me, even if it was just his toe. When I’d pull away, within seconds, he’d reconnect. With him being on the weekend shift and me working insane hours during the week, things had already become difficult. Our conversations consisted of text messages between classes or on my way to the office. I missed him terribly and the weeks would only continue to blend together until the reprieve of summer break. Normally, couples had the weekend to break up the workweek, rekindle and rejuvenate—Gray and I didn’t, and it made the relationship that much harder.

  I had gotten into a rhythm and routine, but the demand on my time brought me back to old habits with coke as a pick-me-up to keep burning the midnight oil. I didn’t think Gray had noticed, but I wouldn’t attest to that, either. He’d been spending a lot of time with his friends at night since I was never around. I couldn’t blame him. I wouldn’t have wanted to sit at home alone either, but I was envious. Somehow, I had to figure out a way to set aside time with him. He hadn’t complained yet, but it would happen. We hadn’t had sex since the night before school started and that had been weeks ago, causing a physical ache within. It was the longest we’d gone since the first time, and it was an integral part of who we were as a couple—we needed that time to connect.

  I sat in statistics, bored out of my mind listening to the professor drone on. My thoughts drifted to Gray, and I pulled out my phone and sent him a text.

  Me: Hey. Just thinking about you. Miss you!

  Gray: Miss you too, Bird Dog

  Me: Do you have plans tonight? I thought I could blow off homework

  Gray: Sorry. I made plans with Topher

  Me: I understand

  I hoped for one more text to come through indicating he’d changed his plans, but that message never came. My heart hurt and doubt crept in; my insecurities were getting the best of me. I never asked him what he did when he was out. I knew where he and his friends went, but not what they actually did. There was no way single guys and alcohol could lead to anything good in crowded bars. When they went out drinking, he’d come home and pass out while I did homework. He came home every night, but his playfulness hadn’t been what it once was. The first week of school when he’d come in, he would annoy the snot out of me while I tried to study—pulling my hair, kissing me, tickling me, anything to get my attention for brief moments, but he had done none of that recently. I had been so tired I hadn’t cared much, but I was determined to find my way back to him. It was too important to be blasé. I resolved to have everything done by the time he got home so when he walked through the door, I’d be all his. I wanted him to anticipate tonight as much as I did and hoped he’d come home sooner than later if I enticed him.

  Me: I’ll be waiting for you when you get home

  Me: Naked

  Gray: …really??

  Me: All I can think about is riding you. The sensation of you inside me.

  Gray: Holy shit, Bird Dog! I just spit my drink all over Topher.

  Me: Surprised?

  Gray: Hell yeah! Excited too!

  Me: See you tonight. Love you!

  Gray: Love you too

  My professor canceled the last class of the day, which allowed me to get my homework done before I left campus. I stayed later than normal to email the proposals I finished to avoid a trip to the office as well. Luckily, Jack didn’t care where I worked as long as I kept bringing in clients. I called into the office to retrieve my voicemails and returned those calls, which created more work, but it was job security.

  Gray wouldn’t be home before ten tonight, so I used my spare time—a current gift from heaven—to do a little pampering. I never got to do anything for myself and hoped they’d be able to fit me in. I stopped by the spa and got a full wax of the nether regions, my eyebrows done, and a mani/pedi. I debated going to buy some sexy lingerie but decided against it since I had told Gray I’d be naked. He wasn’t big on lingerie anyhow, said it got in the way, and he’d rather I never wear panties. By the time I walked in the door, it was after nine, and I was beat. My eyelids hung heavy, and every other breath erupted in a yawn.

  I put my things away, lit some candles in the bedroom, turned on the radio, and got undressed. Exhausted, I was still determined to enjoy an evening with Gray. I’d normally never do a line at night because it would keep me up forever, but I needed help, or I w
ould be out before he walked through the door.

  My eight ball was in the pocket of my book bag. I grabbed it and wandered into the bathroom with a blade in hand. I cut a line before grabbing a dollar bill out of my wallet to roll into a makeshift straw. Gray must have been in stealth mode—I never heard him come in, much less walk up behind me in the bathroom as I took the line up my nose. As I stood up, tilting my head back with a finger on my nostril, inhaling deeply, I saw him in the mirror. He glanced down at the counter and the unraveling dollar bill, before his eyes shifted to the razor blade and traces of white powder. There was a flash of anger in his eyes, but he’d held his tongue. Afraid to make any sudden movement, I stood there, and slowly lowered my hand. I stared at him through the reflection and waited for his reaction. Suddenly, he unzipped his jeans, pulled his dick out of his boxers, and his large hands gripped my waist from behind.

  He bent me over the counter roughly, never taking the rest of his clothes off, and gave me every indication this would be intense. He didn’t take his time to ease into me. Instead, he’d fervently jabbed three fingers into my sex at once, painfully ravaging me before quickly withdrawing. He didn’t bother with any preparation; there was no lube, no moisture, just primal, raw Gray. I fought against returning to that day with Will, I struggled to keep my mind present. Initially, he took it slowly, but I feared he’d tear me apart with whatever had come over him. He was gentler than I’d expected him to be as he pushed in, sliding to the hilt. I’d brought this on myself, I deserved it, but I had to force myself through to the end. Try to keep my mind blank and not focus on the past.

  “Hold on to the counter, Annie.” His voice was cold and commanding, completely emotionless.

  He almost never called me by my name anymore, so whatever was about to take place wasn’t love, but I wasn’t sure what it would be. I quickly found out. Angry, feral lust. Every thrust hurt more than the previous, and each plunge pushed me closer to the edge of my own sanity. He didn’t try to make this pleasurable. He’d removed what little he had offered by digging his fingers into my hips. My mind chanted his love for me on repeat as I watched him punish me in the mirror. If I said it to myself enough, I could prevent myself from drowning in memories.

  I tried to take it showing no emotion. My pelvic bones screamed in pain from the repetitive hammering against the granite counter edge. He fisted my hair as he pulled my head backward, forcing me to make eye contact with him in the reflection. Nothing showed in his eyes—they were flat. Gray wasn’t present in the moment. Tears poured down my face as he found his release, and all the shame and punishment I’d tried to let go of for years resurfaced. Suddenly, the guilt I’d hidden in the recesses of my mind consumed me. Without warning, he pulled out, leaving me lying chest down on the counter, and I sank into my own personal hell. He’d been unable to look at me.

  Once he left, I silently cried. I ached physically and felt utterly used. Every memory I’d repressed bubbled to the surface. Every painful blow I’d taken from Will after his abuse assaulted my mind. I’d allowed him to retaliate against men who hurt him using my flesh as his punching bag. Then he’d tell me he really did care about me—he loved me.

  Easing my body down onto the floor, still naked, I leaned back against the tub to pull myself together. I didn’t know what just happened or why. I volleyed between the past and the present, no longer able to differentiate between the two. I tugged my knees against my chest to bury my head and squeezed myself. The coke had taken effect, leaving me numb and unaware of the time that passed. I didn’t know when he came back in or if he’d sat there and watched me. I didn’t know how long he’d been gone or what had come over him to treat me like trash and walk away. I never heard him return before he scooped me up off the floor, one arm under my knees, one behind my back, crushing me to his chest, protective the way Will had been when he’d realize he’d taken his pain out on me again. Gray was still naked when he took me to the bed and cradled me in his lap. I didn’t understand what the fuck was going through his head, but clutching his neck, I saw the anguish in his eyes.

  The asshole who attacked me in the bathroom with a grudge fuck disappeared, and my sweet, caring Gray, the one who cherished me, had returned. My mind warred with the present and the past, Gray and Will. He had no idea what he’d done or the turmoil he’d set loose in my mind.

  “I won’t apologize to you, Bird Dog. I had no idea you were still using. You’re killing yourself. The pain you experienced is a fraction of what I’m feeling after seeing you snort that shit up your nose. The sight of you doing blow on the fucking bathroom counter, sent me to a level of fury I didn’t know existed. All I saw was red. If you want to fuck your body up, then I’ll help you do it. I’ll show you what destruction and damage can do to you.”

  Dumbfounded, I stared at him in confusion. He was trying to prove a fucking point with that savage display against the counter. My mind reeled, thinking that scene was borderline rape or abuse—except I never said no or even so much as hinted for him to stop. I never had with Will, either. I’d taken what he needed to give to free himself from the torture he endured because I loved him that much. But Gray didn’t know any of that; it was the part I’d left out the night we discussed Will, along with a few other details of my old lover’s screwed-up existence.

  “You say that like I’m a junkie on the street. I only do enough to keep up my schedule. That has not been a secret. I’ve never hidden it from you or lied to you about it. I don’t use coke to get high, I use it to stay awake.” I sounded like a broken record. Every time Gray didn’t like something; it was my go-to line—I’ve never denied who I was. I was damaged and unworthy of someone like him. This was the reason I’d avoided dating anyone. I tried to pull away from his chest, but he refused to release his hold.

  “I don’t like it or the idea of you hurting yourself so you can be Super Woman. You don’t have to be perfect, Annie.” He didn’t allow me to respond before he continued, “I want to show you the difference between damage and love.”

  Tenderly, he rolled us over, so I was on my back with him above me. I winced as his weight hit my hipbones before he shifted to his elbows. Leaning back on his knees, he assessed my waist—it already donned a bright purple bruise that drew a line straight across my abdomen. He kissed my stomach and lovingly stroked his hand over my body. He was deliberate in his touches, but they were feather light, worshiping my body with an offer of caresses. My anger softened, my mind settled, and Gray showed me in a way only Gray could, how he loved me. It was tender and passionate—a poem without words.

  I closed my eyes and relished how different this felt from the havoc he’d wreaked on my body not long ago. When I felt his thick manhood slide slowly into me, my eyes opened to find the connection I’d needed to see in the mirror earlier. Our souls danced to a rhythm and created choreography all their own. Sublime—a high after a crashing low—the mania that was my life. We shared the silence as though conversation filled it. Our bodies rocked and swayed together—transcendent and serene. We reached the apex together and quietly panted our release.

  “I love you, Bird Dog,” he murmured on my neck.

  Still intertwined, I somehow fell asleep.

  Gray and I kept rehashing the same conversation—we both missed the other. He had tons of spare time during the week, and I had none.

  “I sound like a bitch complaining, Annie. I know you work your ass off, but I need you, too. It’s like the sun doesn’t shine during the day anymore without you around. I knew what I was getting into, and it’s not fair to ask you to change your goals to accommodate my life, but baby, I’m lonely.”

  It was weird to hear my alpha-male talk about the sun not shining and the darkness in his life. It also hadn’t escaped my attention that if I didn’t meet his needs, someone else would always be willing to. He had never said that, nor had he implied it, but I wasn’t stupid. I didn’t need someone to draw me a map to reach that conclusion.

  The first time we
had this discussion, he had made the mistake of telling me Abby was always home when he got there, waiting for him, at his beck and call. I reminded him of how that ended and couldn’t stop the nagging thought about how immature his comparison was. He didn’t miss Abby, but he told me, flat out, he needed me to be more attentive to his needs—more available. Topher suggested he hang out with him more often to keep from sitting around and doing nothing, but it hadn’t fixed the issue at hand, and it might have done more harm than good. There was no one else who could meet the physical need Gray had, and I wasn’t naïve enough to believe he couldn’t have those cravings satisfied.

  “I don’t know what you want me to do. You know the demands of my job, and school isn’t optional.”

  I had worried about what he did while he was out—not because he had given me a reason to, but because I knew how people were when they felt neglected. It had been a long time since Gray had been single. And in some ways, he acted like a spoiled child used to getting what he wanted. He was gorgeous, and I could only imagine the attention he got at bars and clubs with his friends, who were also all very good looking. He was charismatic and people, especially women, were drawn to him. He wasn’t bringing them home, but that didn’t mean he didn’t flirt while he was there. And any woman giving my man attention, other than me, was not okay in my book. I wondered how big the fire was I was playing with. I could only hope Topher had my back and kept him in line.

  Somehow, we found a harmonious balance. The next few months seemed to go by like a dream. I tried to come home right after work to have dinner with Gray or hang out with him for a few hours before starting my homework. As the days got longer and there were more hours of sunshine, we spent time with Topher and Heather, and I’d tag along with the guys every once in a while. Frequently, I talked Scarlett into going out, so it wasn’t a sausage fest. We’d become good friends, although I still had little time to devote to social mingling. If I absolutely couldn’t get away, he’d go out with his friends for a couple of hours. I’d send him a text when I finished whatever had kept me away, and he’d come home. Then we’d spend the next hour or two enjoying each other’s bodies before we crashed, wrapped up together.