Bound (Bound Duet Book 1) Read online

  It hadn’t dawned on Gray that I was still getting less than four hours of sleep a night. He returned to bed after I left for school in the morning, so even if he’d stayed up late, he could sneak in a few more hours of rest. I’d suffered with no pick-me-up for as long as I could trying to please him, but I couldn’t keep up without a bump during school—however, I’d gotten smarter about it. I had never lied to him, but after that night in the bathroom, I didn’t want to revisit the issue. If he asked, I would’ve been honest with him, but I think he assumed I was still using, and therefore never mentioned it. It was a lie of omission, and I was a hypocrite, but I justified it in my mind because I had never agreed to stop taking advantage of the help it offered. I was praying for the relief the end of the spring semester would bring, but finals were still two weeks away and therefore, so was summer break.

  In an effort to maintain my GPA, I studied more and slept less, which in turn meant more cocaine. When Gray fell asleep, I’d get up, do a bump, and go back to studying. I crawled back into a bed a couple of hours before my alarm went off, and Gray never knew the difference. This morning, after getting out of the shower, he brought me a cup of coffee in the bathroom. I looked at him in the mirror with a tired smile. He pulled my towel off like he’d done so many times in the past, and his face twisted into a grimace.

  “Baby, you’ve lost a ton of weight you didn’t have to lose. Are you sick?”

  I shrugged it off. “You’re crazy. I haven’t lost weight.”

  “Get on the scale, Annie.” His tone was no-nonsense, but I fought anyhow.

  I knew I’d lost weight, but I wasn’t in the mood to have this argument. “I’m not getting on a scale in front of you, Gray! No woman wants her boyfriend to know how much she weighs.”

  “If I said you had gained weight, your argument might hold water, but since I didn’t, get on the scale.”

  I closed my eyes as I stepped onto the platform. I didn’t need to look.

  “Fuck, Annie! You weigh one hundred and nine pounds! No wonder you look sick. What’s wrong?” He was terrified.

  When we’d met, I weighed about one thirty. At that weight, I was thin; at this weight, I looked emaciated.

  “Nothing, I’ve been under a lot of pressure, and it’s taking its toll on me. Finals are over this week. I’m sure I’ll put the weight back on over the summer. Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.” I wanted to reassure him, but I could tell I wasn’t terribly successful. While the drugs kept me awake to accomplish all I set out to do, they took their toll on my body.

  To my surprise, he just hugged me tightly to his chest and whispered, “I love you, baby.”

  “I love you too, Gray.” A year into our relationship and he still had the same effect on me today he always had. His touch and voice always comforted me.

  The next couple of days were a blur filled with studying and finals. My last test was Thursday morning, so Wednesday night would be an all-nighter…again. I looked like shit and felt even worse. I hadn’t slept more than an hour a night since Saturday and was pumping a ton of coke into my system—more than I ever had. Once Gray fell asleep, I’d go back to the living room. Barely able to keep my eyes open, I’d get my stash out of my backpack to conquer a night of studying. After doing a couple of lines, I crammed for my last final. I’d completely lost track of time. When I heard my alarm go off in the bedroom, I panicked. When the noise stopped, I glanced up to see Gray standing in the hall, silently questioning me.

  “What are you doing up so early, sweetheart?” He was groggy and rubbing his eyes. It was a rare glimpse of the innocence he still possessed as a grown man.

  “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to study before my last exam today.”

  He sat down on the couch and pulled me into his lap. “You work too hard. You know you’ll ace this test. You should’ve gotten some rest, though. Why don’t you let me love on you a little before you start your day?” He nuzzled into my neck and kissed me behind my ear.

  “Gray, I’ve got to get to school and get this out of the way. We’ll have time this summer to ravage each other.”

  He was trying to calm my nerves and ease the tension I was sure radiated from my body, but I was wired. I’d lost count of how many lines I’d done throughout the night to keep my mind alert. Now my heart raced, and my hands shook.

  He scooped me up and said, “Then I guess it needs to be quick.”

  I loved when he smirked at me like that—it was boyish and playful with a hint of mischief behind it. I squealed as he traveled to our room with me in tow. When we got to the bathroom, he set me down and reached into the shower to turn it on to allow the water to warm. Not wasting time, he lifted my nightshirt over my head and slid my panties from my hips to the floor. I stood there staring at him. His body was lean and toned. I adored the way his boxers hung low on his hips accentuating the hard V on his pelvis that pointed toward heaven. “You like what you see, Bird Dog?”

  That cocky grin, where only half of his mouth turned up, and the lines deepened around the edges of his eyes, sent me into orbit. My heart pounded like a hammer in my chest, but I convinced myself it was lust and not an impending heart attack.

  “Maybe a little,” I replied shyly.

  “I think you’re lying to me—and yourself. You worship my body.”

  I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “You’re delusional, Gray Dearsley. While you do have the body of a Greek god, I do not worship it,” I said with a laugh and tossed my head back at his silliness. It had been so long since we’d taken the time to be playful, it felt good just to be in the moment with him.

  “Take my boxers off.” He didn’t ask, he commanded.

  “A little demanding this morning, aren’t you?” I smirked and reached for the edge of his shorts. I let them fall to the floor.

  Gray reached his left hand up to my neck, wrapped his fingers around the nape with his thumb landing underneath my jaw. He bent to reach me, placing his forehead against mine. Softly, in his sultry baritone, he said, “Your heart’s racing. I love that I do that to you.” He took my hand and placed it on his chest, right above his heart. “Do you feel mine? It’s mimicking yours.”

  My heart beat like a drum radiating through my body; his wasn’t beating anywhere near as violently. The white shit I’d snorted up my nose an hour earlier had more to do with my erratic heartbeat than my link to Gray.

  His plump lips landed on mine, coaxing my mouth open with his tongue, he deepened the connection. Something about the way he kissed me always sent tingles straight to my core and flooded my body with warmth. His tongue was voluptuous—there was no other word in the English language that adequately described the fullness and how sexy it was, or how it awakened every nerve in my body when it entered my mouth. He pulled away, leaving me panting, my chest heaving, and suddenly, I was terribly lightheaded. The faint sensation quickly passed as he pulled me into the shower. The water felt incredible on my skin, titillating.

  Turning me toward the wall, Gray gave me something different from what I expected to receive. His calloused hand landed on my hip, and the other grazed my skin with a soapy washcloth. Lazily, he moved down my body, stopping to gently caress my breasts while he lathered them in suds. He took his time exploring my wet skin before making his way between my legs without stopping and continuing down to my toes. He pressed lazy circles over the tops of my feet and then worked his way back up the other leg.

  “Don’t move, baby.” His voice was seductive and raspy, and it took everything in me not to turn around and pillage his body. With his hands gone, there was an aching void left in their place until they landed in my hair. His fingertips massaged my scalp and worked in the lavender shampoo I loved. I turned toward him, enjoying the way his body felt against me; the stream of water still caressed my skin. I couldn’t help but notice the details in his features and the focus he had on rinsing my hair. My heart beat a steady rhythm against my ribcage, but somehow, his caring for me calmed my spi
rit and soothed the ache in my chest.

  He conditioned my tresses the same way he had shampooed them, but when he finished, instead of trying to claim me sexually, he wrapped his arms around me, pressing my chest to his and positioned us both under the cascade of hot water. His eyes smiled, and I saw how much he adored me in the way he looked at me. When he bent down to capture my lips in a sweet kiss, he reminded me of why I loved him so much—because of these little moments, the fifteen minutes of care he gave me when he had really wanted sex.

  With a loving pat on the rear end, he turned off the water. “Come on. We need to get out of here and get you to school.” His ardor radiated back at me through his stare.

  The pain in my chest had subsided some, and my heart didn’t seem to tap like a woodpecker anymore. The heat from the shower had left me almost unable to move I was so relaxed, or maybe that was the comfort of Gray’s embrace. I managed to put on jeans and a light sweater before grabbing my backpack. Gray caught my eye in the kitchen, holding out a travel mug of coffee. With the mug in one hand, I fisted his shirt in the other and pulled him down to meet my lips. He smiled at me right before I laid a heavy kiss on him.

  “I love you. Good luck on your exam.”

  “Thanks. Love you, too.”

  “Text me when you’re done. We can go to lunch and celebrate your surviving another semester.”

  “Okay. Bye.” And I was out the door.

  When I pulled into the parking lot at school, I realized I could barely keep my eyes open, which did not bode well for a three-hour exam in a silent classroom. It was early, and there wasn’t much activity on campus, so I moved my car to the very back of the parking lot. I had enough time for a couple of lines before embarking on this test. I cut up what remained of the eight ball I’d bought yesterday, rolled up a bill, and within a few minutes, I was ready to go. The realization I’d done an entire eight ball in a matter of hours wasn’t lost on me.

  The morning air was chilly for May in the South, and I walked briskly in an attempt to avoid the howling wind and generate internal heat. As I reached the building, the ache in my chest returned with a vengeance. My heart beat so fast I almost couldn’t make out the rest between the beats. It was as if it had just become a steady roll instead of a constant cadence.

  I managed to drown out the thumping in my head and body to make it through the exam. I was sure I’d done well, and my perfect GPA would still be intact. As I walked back to the parking lot, a flash of blackness caused me to stumble. Holding myself up against a truck, I regained my composure without passing out. My mind was fuzzy, and my skin was numb. I faltered twice more before I reached my car and was unable to shake the silver floating flakes from my vision. My hands shook while I fumbled with my keys. I sat in the driver’s seat and pulled out my phone to text Gray.

  Me: Hey, sexy. Done with my last final.

  Gray: Great! How did you do?

  Me: A

  Gray: Proud of you! Do you want to come home or meet me for lunch?

  Everything went dark, and there was a horrible pain in my chest. I heard sounds outside my car, and I thought I heard the ping of several text messages, but all the noises blended together. I couldn’t differentiate the texts from the calls, and my eyelids refused to budge. I couldn’t get out of the darkness. I didn’t know how much time went by before there was a knock on the glass of my window. The door swung open violently, and I felt him on me before I understood what he said. My eyes tried to flutter, but I was fighting the inevitable.

  His hands were on my face like a vice grip. “Annie, baby, wake up. Annie!” He screamed. I felt his panic; his terror. I wanted to go to him but couldn’t control my body. I leaned my head into his hand, but he was unaware it was an intentional movement. He kissed me and begged me to wake up. Gray fell to the ground as he pulled me out of the car, dragging my body into him. Cradling me in his arms, I heard him crying on the phone. His voice got farther and farther away until there was nothing but silence.

  His voice was just out of reach, but the sobs seemed nearby. His arms surrounded me, his head pressed to the top of mine, and my body held tightly against his chest. I sensed everything about him, but the fog in my mind wouldn’t allow me to comfort him, confide in him, or reassure him I was okay. I needed to convince him, but my body refused to respond and show him any sign of life. Hearing his emotional distress killed me. I was so tired, the fog was so dense, and my limbs were like dead weight.

  The sirens in the distance offered me peace; someone would be with him soon to calm his nerves and reassure him. A deep voice I didn’t recognize talked to him but not to comfort him.

  “Sir, you have to let her go for me to help her.”

  As the security of his embrace escaped me, so did my will to fight to reach consciousness. I allowed myself to drift into the darkness, hoping rest would renew me.

  I drifted in and out, loopy from whatever I’d been given, and not entirely sure of where I was or whether this was drug induced or reality. Gray wasn’t with me, I’d felt him leave, even unconscious, the warmth my body felt with him around had gone. The voices surrounding me issued orders, but I only caught words that stuck out—sit, paperwork—and then he left altogether.

  The next time I floated in, the room was quiet and dim, but Gray was near. I heard his voice and made out pieces of a conversation he had with someone else whose voice was too muffled to comprehend. I wish they’d either speak up so I could hear them or hush. Gray’s tone frustrated me, but I didn’t speak.

  It was a broken conversation that made little sense.

  “Um no, I’m her boyfriend. We live together.”

  Whoever else was in the room ensured no one overheard the conversation, including me.

  “I don’t know what you’re trying to say.” His irritation was palpable.

  Whoever pissed him off should take cover.

  “Why does she have to meet with a psychologist? Do you think she tried to kill herself?”

  I fought the medication threatening to pull me back into a deep slumber. Desperate to be alert, I tried to listen to what was said, but my body was so heavy, and my mind so murky, all I could focus on was Gray, but even he wafted away.

  “She didn’t overdose. I know her; she’d never do that. She’s stressed with work and school. She had finals this week.” Knowing how upset he’d be, I let go of the struggle to hold on to his voice and allowed the warmth of his presence to take over and lull me back into the darkness.

  The bed dipped under his weight as he climbed in next to me, avoiding the IV lines. He pulled me to him, tucking me into his side with a kiss to the temple. Whispers of love reached me, and I eased back into the comfort of my narcotic-induced sleep wrapped in his safety.

  The nurse checking my vitals woke us both. He moved, but the nurse stopped him. “It’s good for her to feel you with her. You don’t need to get up. I’ll be out of here in a minute.”

  My body tensed before relaxing, the voices in the room brought me out of my sleepy state as I stretched next to the wall of muscle cocooning me. He came into focus slowly as I opened my eyes to find his.

  “Hey, baby,” he whispered. “How are you feeling?”

  “My head hurts, and I’m exhausted, but other than that, I’m okay. What happened? We were supposed to go to lunch. How did we end up here?”

  “We were texting, and then you quit responding. I called your cell over and over. When you didn’t answer, I got worried and came to the school to find you. You hadn’t slept last night, and I thought you’d been in an accident. I found you in your car semi-conscious, called 9-1-1, and an ambulance brought you here.” He stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath, and dragged his hand down his face before he said anything else. Unrecognizable emotion lingered in his eyes. “The doctor said the cocaine sent you into a stroke-like state and your blood pressure and pulse were really high. They gave you sedatives to bring it down.”

  He waited for me to respond, but the only answer I gave hi
m was tears. I clung to him, knowing all this would send him running. He’d warned me, repeatedly, to get away from the drugs—he hated them. I knew he did, but I couldn’t be everything to everybody without them.

  “Tell me what happened. How much have you been using? The doctor thought you tried to overdose there was so much in your system.”

  “I’m sorry, Gray. I needed to stay awake to do my homework at night after you went to sleep and spend time with you. I figured I could make it through the semester, and then I’d have weeks to recuperate,” I pleaded with him to understand. I needed him to realize a large part of my motivation for continuing to do stuff I knew he hated was to spend time with him not just to succeed. The time I normally spent doing homework was now devoted to him, and the only other time I had was in the middle of the night in place of sleep. He had to understand I was trying to make him happy.

  “Don’t cry, sweetheart. We’ll figure this out.” His attempt at reassurance hadn’t convinced me.

  “Are you going to leave me?” I stared straight into his beautiful blue eyes, knowing mine were puffy and bloodshot from crying. With tears continuing to leave trails down my cheeks, I begged him to stay.

  “Oh, baby, no…I’m not going anywhere. You don’t understand what I felt having you in my lap, unconscious, or watching that ambulance pull away without me. It gutted me. Then, seeing you lying in a hospital bed, so frail and thin. I don’t know how I missed the dark circles under your eyes and how run down you are. I can’t believe I was so oblivious to it all. We need to figure out a way to fix this, so you don’t need to go days without sleeping.” He brushed my hair back and wiped the tears from under my eyes. He placed a tender kiss on my forehead, and said, “We don’t have to talk about it now. You need rest.”