Bound (Bound Duet Book 1) Page 12

  I sniffled and tucked my body back into his side with my head on his shoulder. God made me for that spot, and I loved being there.

  Two days later, the hospital discharged me after I passed the psych evaluation, although they still presented me with all kinds of information on Narcotics Anonymous and counseling programs for drug addicts. I listened and nodded at appropriate times, but the moment I walked out of there, it all went in the trash. The look on Gray’s face told me he’d thought it was all hogwash, too. He hadn’t left my side, and he’d been patient given the circumstances, but driving home, I knew we would talk about a plan moving forward—I dreaded it. His thumb stroked the top of my hand he’d been holding as I stared out the window.

  Sometime during the ride, I drifted off to sleep. When we pulled into the apartment complex, Gray came around the truck and picked me up and carried me inside. My arms instantly wrapped around his neck, and instinctively, he pulled me closer. Once inside, he tucked me into bed and retreated to the living room.

  I woke to a dark room and an empty bed. Finally able to wipe the sleep from my eyes, I felt semi-normal. My feet took me in search of Gray, who was asleep on the couch with his arm thrown over his eyes. My fingers lightly stroked his jawline as I kneeled next to him. I couldn’t help but stare at the face I loved so much, taking in every detail while I watched him sleep. His eyes fluttered open, revealing an endless sea of love and a lazy smile. He leaned in slowly, kissing me softly on the lips, before sitting up and motioning for me to join him. I moved to the seat next to him, keeping my eyes trained on the floor.

  I knew what was coming next, and I had to take my lashing. Gray never hid how he felt about drugs. He had told me not to do them—I did them anyhow. Regardless of my rationale, unwilling to give up my dreams for myself or us, I still went against him. My obsessive need for perfection was going to kill everything good in my life.

  Taking a chance at eye contact, I didn’t find anger or even irritation. There was a gentleness, a softness to his features I wasn’t expecting.

  “Baby, we need to talk,” he said and lightly touched my face.

  I leaned my cheek into his hand, casting my gaze back down.

  Gray tipped my chin, forcing eye contact. “I promise, no yelling, no arguing. I love you, and we need to find a solution that doesn’t involve cocaine.”

  “What do you suggest?” The skepticism in my voice couldn’t have been missed. I’d tried everything I knew to do and hadn’t found another option. I used my career and school to overcompensate for the failures in my life. It was a crutch and one I knew I wouldn’t let go of easily. In my mind, I could do it all—I would do it all.

  “Well, let’s start with what you perceive to be on your plate that you have to take care of. You have Walton’s, school, and me. Did I miss anything?”

  “No. Those are my three priorities…although, not necessarily in that order.”

  “Annie, why are you working full time? Have you thought about asking Jack to let you pick your assignments based on your course load at school? Or maybe he’d let you go in and do all the proposals, but have someone else manage the teams?”

  “Gray, do you have any idea how much living expenses are? My scholarships cover books and tuition but not rent, car payments, insurance, a cell phone. I make good money for my age, but I couldn’t afford to live here without Walton’s.”

  “Annie, why won’t you let me take care of you? I make plenty of money to cover the rent and expenses. You don’t have to work, and you certainly don’t have to work full time. Jack loves you. You and I both know he’ll let you work whatever projects you want to until you graduate.” He couldn’t be serious. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I’d never allow that to happen.

  “I make my own way, Gray. If I wanted someone else to take care of me, I would use my parents. It’s important to me to know I did this on my own.” The control I believed I had over my life was something I wouldn’t let out of my grasp. It was the only thing that kept me from dwelling in my past, succumbing to the memories—if I didn’t stay busy at all times, the depression would take over.

  “Annie, if we’re going to be together, you’ll have to let me help you. You can’t carry the burden alone. Do you know how emasculating it is for you not to let me contribute? You never touch the money I give you for rent and utilities—it’s all sitting in the drawer in the kitchen. I don’t want you to keep me up. I want you to let me love you and be your partner.”

  My brow furrowed in thought. He regarded my eyes carefully, waiting for my response.

  “So, if working part-time isn’t an option, do you have any other suggestions?” I hadn’t completely shot him down, although I hadn’t agreed to anything, either.

  “You could cut back on your class load.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Get rid of me and go back to a life that worked for you, a life consumed by work and lectures and you let no one in. One void of feelings and love, and most importantly, sex.” He tried to lighten it up there at the end, but he was dead serious. Something had to give, and if I didn’t cut back on work or school, it would have to be Gray. He wouldn’t stay while I killed myself over our relationship.

  “You said you weren’t leaving?” I zeroed in on that one like a bat out of hell. The tears were back in my eyes, threatening to leave a trail down my cheeks.

  “I don’t want to—it’s the last thing I want to do. I want you to let me help you. I never want to leave your side, but Annie something has to change. If you can’t slow down at work or school, then I don’t have a choice but to step aside. I’m not threatening you or giving you an ultimatum. I want you to see how serious this is. I love you and want what’s best for you.” He let out an exhausted sigh. “You almost died two days ago, and I won’t watch it happen again. I don’t even want to think about what might have happened had I not come looking for you.”

  “Your leaving isn’t an option, Gray. I’ll go see Jack tomorrow. If he’s not open to my working fewer contracts, then I’ll lighten my course load at school.” I struggled with defeat and my perceived imperfection. I didn’t want to choose, but I knew he’d rather me be mad at him and alive, than not stand up to me and find me dead. If only I’d been that strong for Will.

  “Annie, it will work out. I promise. Give me the chance to be what you need me to be. I know you don’t want to depend on anyone else, but we both know you would be fine without me, so think of me as a partner instead of a crutch.”

  Chapter Six

  The conversation with Jack had gone better than I expected. He wondered how long I would continue at the pace I’d been keeping before my body gave out. I was honest with him about the hospital stay, which of course disappointed him, but he admitted to having done stupid things along the way to keep his head above water. While he hadn’t come out and said it, my drive for success is what made me a valuable employee—he had benefitted from my insatiable desire to overachieve. He liked the idea of me selling accounts and other people working them. I was thrilled when he agreed to let me direct my workload. It enabled me to take on as many or as few clients as I wanted and could handle. I wasn’t surprised when he lowered my base salary and restructured my commission, but I was confident Jack would still make it worth my time. Maybe Gray’s suggestion to cut back was a smart move. Anxious to tell him how our conversation had gone, I grabbed my phone from my backpack and sent him a message.

  Me: Hey. Just talked to Jack. Heading home.

  Gray: I’m at Topher’s. Be home soon & you can tell me about it.

  Me: Sounds good. Love you.

  Gray: Love you too, Bird Dog.

  I was on a happy high when I got back to the apartment. I turned on the boob tube before lying down on the couch to wait for Gray. The phone rang in the kitchen, waking me up. The room was pitch black except for the glow of the numbers on the microwave. 10:07 pm. I hurried to the phone wondering where Gray was. “Hello?”

  “Um, may I speak to Gray?”
The woman on the other end wanted to know.

  “Hang on a sec. Let me see if he’s here.” I walked through the apartment and then looked out the front window. His truck wasn’t outside, so he apparently hadn’t come home. “I’m sorry. He’s not here right now. Can I take a message?”

  “No thanks, I’ll try his cell again.” With that, the mystery woman hung up, leaving me utterly confused.

  I had no clue who that was nor how she got our home phone number. It wasn’t listed, and I never gave it out—I wasn’t confident Gray even knew the number.

  Snatching my cell phone off the coffee table, I dialed my missing boyfriend. He should’ve been home hours ago.

  He answered on the second ring. “Hey, Bird Dog! You finally rising from the dead?” It was so loud in the background I could hardly hear him. “Hang on. Let me walk outside.” It was like he had read my mind. “Sorry, baby, I’m back. Did you sleep well?”

  “How’d you know I was asleep?”

  Laughing, he retorted, “I came home and woke you up, or tried to. I gave you a kiss and told you I was going to hang out with Topher at RipTides and to call me when you got up. You were exhausted and needed to sleep. I didn’t figure you’d remember talking to me. I left you a note on the kitchen counter, didn’t you see it?”

  “No, it’s dark as Egypt in here. The house phone woke me up, and I realized you weren’t here.”

  “When did we get a home phone?” The surprise in his voice was evident—he had no clue there was a landline in the apartment, although I’m not sure how he missed the phone hanging on the wall.

  Giggling, I said, “That answers that question. I wondered why you had given the number out to someone.”

  He got really quiet. “What are you talking about?”

  “Oh, some lady just called and asked for you, but didn’t leave a message. She said she’d call your cell again.”

  “I’m on my way home. Don’t answer the phone or the door.”

  “What the hell, Gray? You’re freaking me out.”

  “Lock the door, Annie. I’ll be home in less than five minutes. If the phone rings again, don’t answer it.” And suddenly, the line went dead.

  True to his word, less than five minutes later, he came smashing through the unlocked door. “I told you to lock this door, Annie. What the fuck?”

  “Why are you yelling at me, Gray? You were right down the street and on your way home. Why are you so freaked out?” He scared me and not telling me what was going on only made it worse.

  He locked the door behind him and dragged me to the couch with him. Situated in his lap, he continued to ignore my questions and acted as though he hadn’t just stormed in like a mad man. “So how’d things go with Jack?”

  With a playful backhand to his chest, I cried out, “Gray! What the hell is going on?”

  He laid his head back on the couch, exhaling a deep sigh. “I didn’t tell you this because you were stressed about exams, and then honestly, with everything else that happened at the hospital, I forgot about it. A few weeks ago, Abby’s dad showed up here. He knows about you; although, I have no idea how, and he threatened me. I don’t think he meant the threat in a physical sense, but I don’t want to take any chances—not with you. Abby’s been blowing up my phone today, but I haven’t returned her calls. I sent her a text telling her I didn’t think we should talk and if she needed something, it should probably go through our attorneys. I guess it pissed her off because she kept calling leaving messages. I finally listened to one. She indicated if I didn’t talk to her she would go straight to the source. I’m assuming that means you since she called here.”

  “But she had me on the phone and didn’t say a word, didn’t even identify who she was?”

  Gray’s divorce hadn’t gone as smoothly as he’d hoped. She fought him on everything and had dragged this out well beyond the year the state required. I was convinced she was trying to make it the longest divorce process in South Carolina state history. I had no idea what she expected to gain in doing so, but for whatever reason, she refused to sign on the dotted line and relieve him of the paper legality. It wasn’t like there was property or large sums of money to be had. He’d paid her tuition while she was in school, and other than cars, neither of them owned anything. She seemed to hold out to ensure he wasn’t able to be with anyone else. That too was odd because there was a legal separation between them, so he could date anyone he wanted to. The girl baffled me—I couldn’t figure out her angle and had quit trying.

  “And how’d you feel when a random woman called our apartment on a phone number I didn’t know existed?”

  “I thought it was strange, but I was half asleep and hadn’t even had time to let it sink in.”

  “Well, most women would’ve been instantly bothered by another female calling her boyfriend at ten o’clock at night, not leaving a message, and saying she’d call his cell.” He cocked an eyebrow at me as though he didn’t believe I wasn’t jealous or irritated.

  “Gray, I can’t say the longer I thought about it that it might not have bothered me because we both know I over-analyze the hell out of everything, but I certainly wasn’t at that point yet. If you don’t want to be with me, you won’t be with me, right? So why create problems where they don’t exist?” I was serious as a heart attack; it never dawned on me to be jealous of the woman calling my house. After all, she called my house where she assumed my man was. “Do you think her or her dad would hurt you…or me?”

  “I don’t know. I never thought her dad would show up on your doorstep looking for me. I didn’t think she’d blow up my phone trying to get me to talk to her. I’m dumbfounded she’s fought the divorce for so long. None of it makes any sense. I do know I won’t let anyone near you though.” I loved his alpha-male, protective, dominant side. “So are you going to tell me how things went with Jack?”

  I probably should have been a tad bit shaken by what he’d told me, or at the very least concerned about why Abby and her father were still gunning for Gray, but for whatever reason, it didn’t register as significant. Moving past his confession, I launched into my story. Gray was excited for me, and I could tell he was proud, too. This would put a kink in my grind—I craved structure and routine—but hopefully, it would be a good one. I’d be home more, able to spend time with Gray and get to stay in bed with him at night.

  “I need you to make me a promise, Annie. I need you to promise me there will be no more cocaine…for any reason. I can’t go through that again. If you’re overwhelmed or need help, you have to tell me so I can help you through it.”

  “I promise.” It was a no-brainer. There was no reason I couldn’t be true to my word. And I knew he was asking for the commitment because he loved me.

  With my promise came the attention from Gray I so desperately craved. We rang in my twenty-second birthday in June and his twenty-eighth in August, and the summer had been almost perfection. I never knew what to expect from him—he kept me on my toes, but always kept me interested. I had thought I’d struggle not to burn the candle at both ends. It’s all I’ve known since Will died, it was how I kept the demons away, but Gray had filled the void I expected to seep into my daily life. It was odd to have time to hang out with him or my friends and not experience guilt for compromising my career or my education.

  I watched him in awe—the way he moved, the way he held himself—I loved all of it. I could stare at him for hours, but invariably he always caught me and gave me a hard time about stargazing. I’d respond with an eye roll and move on to something else. Tonight was no different.

  “Are you committing my body to memory, Bird Dog?”

  I’d been gawking at him from the couch after he got out of the shower. He never fully dried off and a few drops still clung to his back in total desperation. Even the water knew how impressive he was and wanted to hold on as long as it could.

  “Huh? No.” I tried to look away without smiling but couldn’t. He was infectious. Everything about him made me smile
and gave me a wonderful tingly sensation all over.

  He stared at me wordlessly, just raising his eyebrows as though he was asking a question and waiting for my answer.

  “Oh hush!” I couldn’t stifle my laughter as I threw a pillow in his direction.

  Gray swatted it back in my direction before his body quickly followed. Jolting from the couch, I became his prey trying to avoid being caught.

  Shaking my head, I was like a bug trapped in Gray’s web. I got anxious with anticipation but slightly scared I might be devoured. I never knew which one of his sexual personalities would show up when we were both naked, which heightened the experience. He swatted his hand at my ass, and I knew playful Gray was following me to our room. Each one of his identities was engaging in its own way. The playful boyfriend, rough alpha, loving soul mate, porn star, and quick Charlie, they all served valuable purposes in separate times and places, and each was very useful. I adored them all with no favorite.

  I squirmed in his grasp when he caught me in the hall, and he scooped me up under one arm like a football before he dove both of us onto the bed stomach first. Giggles erupted from my mouth, and I tried to play hard to get, edging away from him, but he snagged me and pulled me back to his side.

  “Be still, Bird Dog.”

  The glimmer in his eyes verified he had an agenda and the crinkle next to them confirmed it would be spirited. He sprung up off the bed and hit play on the sound dock on the dresser. I had no idea when he put 1980s disco porn music on our iPod, but I couldn’t help but roar with laughter as soon as the beat found my ears. I sat up to watch him move around our room and wondered what he had up his sleeve. With his back to me, he stopped at the closet door and placed one hand high above his head. He craned his neck to catch my attention over his shoulder, and he bounced his ass like a stripper. He winked at me before he jerked his face back to the closet and swayed his hips, grinding like he was making passionate love to the wooden frame. I laughed so hard I lost sound—my stomach hurt, eyes leaked, and the room filled with boisterous hilarity as soon as I caught my breath—laughter that felt so good but hurt so bad.