Bound (Bound Duet Book 1) Page 9

  “I parked my bike on the side of the house, laid out my towel, and took off my shorts. I figured he was in the house and expected him to be out soon. I had just turned fifteen. I was a good girl. My parents didn’t think it was appropriate for us to be alone together in an empty house, and I’d abided by their wishes. But when I’d been out there long enough to need to go to the bathroom, I started looking for my boyfriend.”

  My mind traveled back to that day as though it happened yesterday. I felt the warmth of the day, the sweat running down my back, and the heat burning the soles of my feet as I ran across the concrete under the portico to the sliding glass doors.

  “The moment I stepped foot inside, I’d heard the grunts and groans. The whimpers and pleas to stop. I’ll never forget the way his voice sounded as he begged to be released.” Each dreadful second replayed in my head, and I started quickly searching the doors for the culprit, the person hurting the boy I loved. “I crashed through a door unexpectedly, and the scene before me made me retch, right after I’d screamed out in sheer terror.”

  Gray’s hand reached for me, wanting to offer me some form of comfort, but I hadn’t been able to comfort Will then, and Gray couldn’t comfort me now.

  “He was being tortured sexually, while his stepfather’s friends watched, and I later learned, participated. One of them came after me, trapping me, and locked the door behind me. Will and I made eye contact, and that’s when Will offered himself as a sacrifice to keep any of them from touching me. The men agreed, using every part of his body available, but they forced me to watch and groped me in ways no woman should ever be touched much less a fifteen-year-old girl. They threatened me, told me what they’d do to Will and me if I spoke a word of anything I’d seen. God, Gray, it went so far beyond sex; they burned him with cigarettes, beat him, and violated every orifice of his body while they got off.”

  I’d thrown up that day and had to swallow hard to keep from doing so now. The three men had left Will in a heap in the middle of the floor, and I’d long since slid down the wall, cowering in a corner hoping to escape, praying they wouldn’t touch either of us again.

  “Gray, it was the most horrific thing I’ve ever witnessed or been a part of. I’d never even read about that type of abuse, much less in upper-middle class America. I was naïve and young. Terrified. I had no clue what to do for him, so I did the only thing I’d ever seen done when I was in pain. I tried to care for him. I helped him clean up, put peroxide on the wounds, took a wet washcloth to the parts of his skin that had gotten torn during the incident, and put ice on the bruises that formed. I had no idea how to stop the swelling much less the internal pain. He bled in places no one ever should.”

  I had expected nothing different than the shock Gray exuded. There was a reason I didn’t share this story, and it wasn’t because it was something so wonderful I selfishly kept it to myself. In my mind, I betrayed Will, even all these years later, by sharing pieces of his pain with anyone else.

  “Will and I didn’t speak about what I’d seen or the way those men had touched me. When I got him presentable and moving again, he insisted on going out to the pool. We spent the rest of the day holding hands between the lounge chairs and listening to music. All I knew when I left his house that day was I’d do anything to prevent him from being hurt like that again. And for the first time in my life, someone else’s happiness was more important than my own. Every day, my mission became making Will smile, knowing no matter what happened when I wasn’t around, I was a safe place for him. And for months, I was.”

  I didn’t need to detail the years from sophomore through graduation or the abuse he continued to sustain. Gray didn’t need to know everything I’d seen or what Will had done to keep his mom from harm or me untouched. He believed they would hurt us, her and me, and he’d never let it happen, regardless of how they’d used him. He’d told me once his body would heal and his mind was stronger than they were. I’d believed him because I loved him—and I wanted it to be true.

  “We’d spent all of high school together. Inseparable. He allowed no one else to get close to him. Everyone thought it was because of me, but he didn’t want anyone to see what his life really was. When Will went to another college, I knew why. He was trying to set me free. I’d begged him not to. I knew he’d never survive on his own. Without his confidante, he was a mere shell hiding from plain view. He convinced himself he’d get a fresh start, and I knew it would eat him alive. Will wanted me to be free from his demons, and I wanted to help him carry his cross. In the end, I lost. He’d gone to Clemson, and I chose USC.”

  “What happened after he left for school?” Gray hung on my every word out of morbid curiosity and sheer disbelief, completely enraptured.

  I laid back on the bed, stretching out to stare at the ceiling. Something in the vast white above me offered me a momentary reprieve. With a deep breath through the nose and back out, I continued. “I was in bad shape. Really bad. He refused my calls and ignored messages. I’d gone to the campus twice to talk to him, but he avoided me.”

  I met Gray’s eyes and held them as I uttered the truth of what came next. “I was in class, eighty-something miles away, but I knew the moment it happened. I felt his heart stop beating.” My eyes closed and my words stopped as the memory ate at my soul and tore that wound open. “As he passed away, I felt him leave the earth. My body was left aching when he took his last breath—it was agonizing. I physically experienced his death half a state away. I raced from the classroom outside, desperately trying to reach him, calling his mom, I even called the school. No one knew anything, and I just looked like a raving lunatic.

  “The next day, I got a call from the Clemson police department. Will was found in his dorm room. He’d tried to cut the scars from his body, slicing himself to an almost unrecognizable condition, before he slit his wrists and bled out. He left a note and named me as a witness to his abusers, who he also identified by name.”

  The room around us remained silent. Gray likely had no idea what to say, which was precisely why I hadn’t wanted to tell him. There was no way to console the pain. I couldn’t take back the hiding, the lies, the cover ups. I wasn’t able to change the fact I hadn’t told anyone, and it cost me his life. The only light I had to cling to was I’d been able to give Will the one thing I set out to, and he’d said so in his letter to the world. I had loved him unconditionally—broken and used; I’d loved him as though he’d been perfect and priceless.

  “Makes it understandable why you haven’t dated in two years.”

  I knew by the sound of his voice he felt sorry for me.

  “The year after his death, I was consumed with school, Walton’s, court hearings, and grief. Since then, isolating myself has been a coping mechanism. Don’t forget hours of counseling. I’m not sure you really understand what all I witnessed in those three years following that day. It’s probably better you don’t. But it scarred me. Changed me. I’ll never be the same. I’ll never be whole.”

  “Don’t say that, Annie.” His words were soft, and I’d hoped he was privy to information I wasn’t—that he could see into the future and in it he saw reconciliation and forgiveness.

  “It’s okay, Gray. That doesn’t mean I can’t be a better version of who I was. I’m a work in progress, but there are moments I shatter under the pressure. Tonight was one of them. My mind reverted to the day I’d waited for him by the pool. The way your hands were on my hips with you behind me. It wasn’t me that had been hurt that way, but the memories can be daunting. I can’t tell you it won’t happen again. It hasn’t happened in a year. And I’m sorry.”

  I assumed when he had a better understanding of what I’d witnessed, he’d want to bail as quickly as possible, but he did the opposite. When I finally allowed him to touch me again, he wrapped me up in his arms and the security they provided. He played with my hair and let me tell him the wonderful things about Will. He had let me do what no one else had done—he let me remember the beauty in the boy I
’d loved so dearly without dwelling on the pain he’d endured or the demise that took him.

  If there had been any doubt in my mind about my feelings for Gray, that evening would have erased it. He cared for me in a way no other human on Earth had done since Will tried to set me free. Gray may not have had a huge house, or a fancy degree, and he definitely didn’t come from the Eastside, but he wasn’t jealous or irritated by my desire to talk; he engaged and soaked up my stories. He gave Will’s memory a positive light by allowing me to share it.

  After Gray had learned about Will, he’d been careful on how he approached anything new in the weeks that followed. He wanted to push the envelope beyond missionary but wasn’t interested in a repeat of the night he tried to take me from behind. I appreciated his understanding, and at times, he coddled me. I wanted to grow, move past the barriers I’d held on to. My psychiatrist believed our exploration was healthy and encouraged me to continue as long as I felt comfortable, but that was just it, I wasn’t sure where to draw that line. So we’d agreed to explore together—the trust this required from me was enormous. I struggled with disconnecting the abuse I’d witnessed Will endure, from a healthy sex life.

  Gray came in the door with a black plastic bag. I knew he was up to something. I gave him a kiss on the lips, and asked, “What’s in the bag?”

  “I got you something. Well, I got you something, and I got us something.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a sleek pink vibrator and a DVD. With the small plastic wand held high, he said, “This is for you”—then the video—“and this is for us.” He took my hand and led me back to the bedroom.

  In shock, I stumbled over my feet as he pulled me toward the bed. “What are we doing with those?” The apprehension teetered in my mind, threatening to let loose if I didn’t proceed cautiously.

  “Take off your clothes, and I’ll show you.” He tossed the stuff onto the bed and took his shirt off before grabbing the video and popping it into the DVD player. “Annie, baby, you’re not moving. Do you want me to take your clothes off for you?” He tugged me playfully toward him, and I was naked in less than ten seconds. Then suddenly, so was he.

  He started the DVD, forcing me to sit down on the bed. I’d become completely mesmerized by what filled the screen. The only time I’d ever seen anyone else have sex was brutal and not at all pleasant, but this was hypnotic. Gray pulled my naked body into his lap and leaned back against the headboard before wrapping his arms around my chest. Whispering in my ear, he asked, “Baby, are you okay?” He watched for signs of anxiety, but when I didn’t respond, he kept talking. “You like that, don’t you?”

  I just nodded. I never thought I’d watch other people have sex and be turned on by it. I’d always associated witnessing someone else with abuse, yet this ignited a lust in me I feared was wrong.

  I wanted to be repulsed, yet was so obviously aroused, but I didn’t know how to handle what I saw or felt. In tune with my needs, Gray helped me process and enjoy it as he slipped his hand between my legs. Lightly, he traced the outside of my sex with a delicate touch. I leaned back into his chest, robotically opening my thighs for him while my focus stayed on the screen. His bright blue eyes regarded me intently, and he kept me grounded with him in the present by continuing his caresses and exploration of my body. Gray, too, was turned on, but I didn’t know if it was from our foreplay or the show before us. Either way, I didn’t care. He maneuvered me onto my back and climbed on top of me. Gray peered into my eyes, I tried to glance around him to continue watching the action on the television.

  “Annie…” he grumbled, wanting my attention. He made a crass comment, dragging my attention back to him, but as soon as I saw his eyes, my expression softened.

  I wanted him. I didn’t need to see it from other people—I wanted to experience Gray. I needed him close. He wanted to take me places I hadn’t been, and I wanted to go.

  “I want you, Gray,” I admitted, pulling him toward me.

  He resisted and stood to drag me to the edge of the bed. As soon as he had me where he wanted me, he captured me, sinking deeper than I’d believed possible. I felt myself stretch within to accommodate his girth. Consumed by the fullness of his stroking back and forth, I drifted away from the present in favor of the sensation. His movements slowed until he had my attention, my eyes locked on his.

  “Do you trust me, Annie?”

  “Of course.”

  I did.

  I trusted him more than I’d trusted anyone since Will.

  He moved me to the center of the bed and patted my rear end as I laid on my stomach in the center of the mattress. “Will you lift your butt up for me?”

  Instantly, I’d propped myself up on my elbows and stared at him over my shoulders. He had to be crazy—he’d witnessed what happened the last time he’d been behind me. My wild eyes darted all over his face.

  “Annie, are you okay with this?” He waved his hand between me and the pretty pink vibrator. “If you’re not ready, we can wait.”

  I didn’t want to disappoint him. The only way to know if I trusted him enough to follow through was to let him and see what happened. That was a terrifying thought in itself, but there was no one I wanted to try with more.

  He kept moving, he took the little pink pleasure provider he’d brought home and reached over to the nightstand to open the drawer. “Where did that come from?” I asked as he found a tube of lube and put gel on the plastic and his hard shaft.

  “I’m like a Boy Scout. Always prepared.”

  My eyes were wide as I observed him over my shoulder, wondering where the hell he thought he would stick those things.

  “Come on, baby. Ass up.”

  I complied with no real resistance, and he squeezed a glob of sticky lube on my ass. I jerked at the cold sensation of the gel on my hole, but his fingers warmed it as he rubbed the lubricant on my entrance. I forced myself to focus on the way my body responded to him, listening to the sound of his voice, knowing how deeply I cared for him. This was not the situation I’d grown up fearing. This was consensual, and Gray would take care of me. I just had to let him.

  “Annie, I promise, I won’t hurt you.” He must’ve thought I was high if he thought I bought that lie. “You say stop, and we stop. Okay?”

  I nodded. My heart raced as the panic set in. I flinched when he touched me with the toy, and he pressed the tip to my rim. Slowly, he guided the plastic in. Gray watched for signs of retreat, he stayed focused on my face, while I continued to stare over my shoulder as the pink disappeared. It wasn’t anywhere near as big as he was—about the size of a finger—it was an odd sensation but not the pain I’d expected, and I relaxed a smidgen. He didn’t move it, he held the vibrator in place while he took his dick in his other hand and swiped the head between my lips. He let himself go to grab me around the waist and pull me back toward him.

  He slid his hand down farther, massaging my tiny nub of nerves until I relaxed. Then he moved his other hand, pushing the little rod in and out ever so gently, never turning it on but causing my arousal to skyrocket and my nerves to dissipate. He moved his hand back to his dick.

  “Relax. Rock back on me, sweetheart.” He cooed the words in a voice that scared away the fear and left me warm and trusting. I wanted to move past this, and the only way I’d ever do it was to replace the negative memories with positive ones—ones that included love.

  I did what he told me to and grimaced through the odd sensation as he nudged the head of his penis into me. I bit my bottom lip to keep from crying. It didn’t hurt, but part of me felt dirty. I didn’t want to let him down by ending this. I wanted to give him what he wanted to share with me. He slowly pulled out a little before pushing in a bit farther. Suddenly, I realized what full meant—pure heaven. He didn’t move, he waited for a reaction, softly caressing my back and whispering to me. His voice kept me grounded and in the moment. He took everything at a snail’s pace to keep from overwhelming me or hurting me, gently pulling himself in and out. Gray r
eached for the base of the toy, and I gasped as he stroked me in opposite directions with both his dick and the vibrator at the same time. The two rubbed against each other with almost nothing between them. Even with the bit of burning, it was so euphoric I couldn’t take the pleasure. I came so fast, so hard, that I wondered if I’d ever come down from the high, but he didn’t relent. Moments later, I climaxed again, moaning loudly.

  My screams of pleasure ignited a voracious fire in him. He pumped a steady beat. He said something, but I didn’t have a clue what. I couldn’t hear him over the ringing in my ears. The only audible sound registering was my heart pounding in my chest and my own ragged breath. I shrieked as he grunted. When his body slowed, then stilled, I knew he’d met me in a blissful state. He slowly pulled the toy out, then himself. It created a void I detested, and I’d collapsed on my side in exhaustion. I clung to him to ensure he was still with me, wondering what had just happened.

  “I need to go clean up. Will you let me go?”

  I rolled over to my back, giving him the freedom to move. I noticed every fiber of the sheets touching my skin; every nerve ending cried out at me. My skin had become so sensitive it hurt to be touched.

  Gray came back to bed, wrapped me in his warmth, and pulled the blankets up over us. “What’d you think, Bird Dog?”

  I had no idea where the nickname had come from, but he’d adopted it during the fall semester, and I loved it—simply because he gave it to me. So much of the semester had been a blur between work, school, and having a relationship for the first time in years, but the nickname stuck out. “I love you,” I said in response.

  He let out a rolling laugh that shook me in his arms. I realized what had come out of my mouth, but apparently, he thought it was a joke in response to his question. I went with that to keep things from being awkward, but he shocked the crap out of me when he turned my chin toward him.